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Literature Text
This is my first happy Autumn,
tonight, my first genuine smiles
I see lights across the Menai
as they sing my first 'goodnight'.
But they are songs I've never heard,
and all our imaginary words;
all those words
I was too stubborn to say,
and now
they stop in my throat,
and they choke me like mutants
without the mutations,
so that now
I can only hear.
And I heard you walked alone last night
through this beautiful, silent city
in the mountains.
And last night,
I saw the stars for the first time,
shyly blushing behind the burnt sky.
They called to me, "We miss you",
and as they disappeared in blisters,
I paused and almost whispered,
"I miss you too."
So the Autumn leaves hold onto me.
I just drag them inside
for company.
tonight, my first genuine smiles
I see lights across the Menai
as they sing my first 'goodnight'.
But they are songs I've never heard,
and all our imaginary words;
all those words
I was too stubborn to say,
and now
they stop in my throat,
and they choke me like mutants
without the mutations,
so that now
I can only hear.
And I heard you walked alone last night
through this beautiful, silent city
in the mountains.
And last night,
I saw the stars for the first time,
shyly blushing behind the burnt sky.
They called to me, "We miss you",
and as they disappeared in blisters,
I paused and almost whispered,
"I miss you too."
So the Autumn leaves hold onto me.
I just drag them inside
for company.
Edits: 1
This is actually really badly written, so I'd like some critique. It just came to me now and this is just the second draft, thought I'd upload it in case I never work on it again or I lose it somehow D:
Hopefully gets my feelings across, I dunno.
Sorry for emofag, I don't know what's gotten into me XD
A coupla Jimmy Eat World references in there, I think.
Listening to The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel.
edit: Recently showed this to my mum, and it made her very emotional xD bless 'er <3.
Does it flow okay? Sometimes I think this poem has two different feels to it and so it should be made into separate poems. What d'you think?
Does it make sense? What feelings or emotions do you get from this?
I'm not 100% happy with the first stanza. How can I improve?
This is actually really badly written, so I'd like some critique. It just came to me now and this is just the second draft, thought I'd upload it in case I never work on it again or I lose it somehow D:
Hopefully gets my feelings across, I dunno.
Sorry for emofag, I don't know what's gotten into me XD
A coupla Jimmy Eat World references in there, I think.
Listening to The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel.
edit: Recently showed this to my mum, and it made her very emotional xD bless 'er <3.
Does it flow okay? Sometimes I think this poem has two different feels to it and so it should be made into separate poems. What d'you think?
Does it make sense? What feelings or emotions do you get from this?
I'm not 100% happy with the first stanza. How can I improve?
© 2009 - 2024 Daionii
Comments9
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found this to be very beautiful and bright. thanks